The Most Terrifying Thing I Ever Did in Fitness (And Why I’ll Never Do It Again)

Standing nearly naked on a stage in front of strangers, judged solely on how my body looked, was easily one of the scariest things I’ve ever done.

Especially as someone who spent years carrying around nearly 100 extra pounds—and all the shame that came with it.

My first bodybuilding show wasn’t about trophies. It was about fear. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be seen, fully, and not feel small.

It felt like the final boss of body image.

And weirdly, it worked.

I stepped on stage. I survived. I even felt proud.

So naturally, I signed up for another.

But somewhere between the rigid training schedule, extreme fatigue, and constant body scrutiny, something shifted.

I realized… I didn’t enjoy it.

That second show helped me see that while the experience was valuable, the sport itself wasn’t for me. I didn’t love the prep. I didn’t feel lit up by the process. And more than anything, I didn’t want my body to exist for display.

I wanted my body to exist for life.

Today, I train for a different reason—to stay capable. To hike when I want to hike. To dance for hours without stopping. To say “yes” to adventures without second-guessing my stamina.

That realization changed everything.

And it’s a reminder I now pass on to every person I work with:
Know why you’re training. Know what your body is working toward.

Maybe it’s a performance goal. Maybe it’s confidence. Maybe it’s peace of mind that you’ll be around—and active—for the long haul.

But make sure it’s yours. Not a borrowed dream. Not a scale number. Not a “should.”

Because fitness isn’t about winning.

It’s about freedom.

Freedom to do the things you want, but also the freedom to not be the things you don’t want.

And the right goal? The one aligned with the life you actually want?

That’s what keeps you going long after the stage lights fade.

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